Evening Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's leading entertainers spent their evening mocking President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The subject was the new program which allows foreign individuals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. A government website pledges processing "in record time."

"One message here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.